ALL OF ME

My mind shoots around all over the place – probing here there and everywhere to search for people , situations, illusionary situations and the like to help me. Many already have – many can’t help anymore…..

………….but what surfaces from the ‘depths’ of my memory is that which came to ‘save me’ during my illness – my true self..

Such a valiant hero – always there when needed.  I have an instant image of myself, with hair, a helmet with a point, sitting astride a magnificent grey steed. I am holding the reins with one hand and an upright , extremely long spear not unlike a jousting stick, in the other… I hear the sound of the hooves of my steed as they touch the earth while he  gently moves in a circular fashion before coming to a standstill. The ‘padding’ of the earth is quite hypnotic as though padding a rhythm.....

They stop, my spirit self and steed, and look directly towards me, expectantly waiting for me to join them..

I feel for Bear who tells me , “this is your show’’.

With great excitement I alight, and sit directly in front of myself atop this magnificent steed. He throws his head back, tosses his mane, laughs and whinnies with great joy.  He doesn’t bolt off, although I wouldn’t have minded! Instead, he gently eases into a relaxed trot!! I am sitting so close to ‘myself’ that I can nearly believe I am myself!!

Upon saying that, the steed turns his head so I can see one eye – a great pool of black onyx , all the much darker as it is surrounded by his grey/white fur….I see a line of ‘me’s , sitting on him, all joined together like the joined paper cutouts from my early school days. Now they become more like the images in a cartoon when the runner goes SO fast, he has to catch up to himself once he stops.

 Where one goes, they all go. This image is staying with me – the feeling is they are all me, perhaps the many faces or phases or bodies of me, yet what is the most striking feature is that THEY ARE ALL JOINED… where one goes , they all go…whatever happens to one, somehow happens to all. If there is a ‘hitch’ in the middle then this effects the line either way..The leader leads EVERYONE – all of us…

But for now, we ‘concertina’ back into just the ONE of me and we continue our travels with our companion and guardian , the Steed.

I can feel the trip has been quite long – a whole ‘day’ has passed and we have covered quite a bit of terrain. We are heading up a mountain now – something I remember seeing way in the distance earlier in the trek. The base starts off grassy underfoot and a gentle but steady rise ensues. Now we are reaching the upper regions and the ground has become rocky with no vegetation. The steed is making his way via a distinct ‘goat’ track – which has only ever carried foot traffic by the looks. It does not appear to have been used recently at all.

We keep heading up and I notice the steed puffing now – it’s becoming hard work. I offer to walk but he is quite adamant I am to wait.

Instantly we arrive at a small grassy plateau. I slide off his back which now houses only a striped blanket. I am dressed very casually , with bare feet, no armour, no jousting stick, yet gladly, still with hair!!  We both, the steed and I , relax , feeling the beautiful energy of the place and allowing ourselves to reasonate with it – being gently soothed and warmed.

I realize I haven’t felt ‘this good’ in years – almost a feeling of ‘recovering youth’ as in before my illness..I am savouring this reconnection with myself – there is an energy here that I truly admire. It is one of being ‘just is’ – of having all that one needs and feeling that one has found ‘their place’.

I realize that it is not about ‘leaving’ and going BACK. Instead it is about embracing ALL and becoming more whole. We need all of ourselves.  To leave a part of us out whether we mean to or not, is to cut our journey into separated trails. One’s story is meant to flow with every chapter in place. Otherwise we will always be searching for the missing piece , going around and around in circles!!!!  (“like eating a bit of dried grass”! , the steed says as he chokes and coughs some out, just to make his point!)

I laugh, and before I have time to really indulge myself in this recovered part of myself, I am joined by many , many parts of myself – all talking together and gathering around excitedly yet calmly. They surround the two of us who had been cut asunder. I recognize they are performing ceremony to recognize , acknowledge and celebrate the recovery and Union – not just of the two, but of the WHOLE.

They gather around, and a pink ribbon is secured around both our joining wrists. I can feel a fusion between our inner wrists – as though something has been stamped on our wrists forever. All of us now do the same while forming a circle .  We all touch wrists fusing together and strengthen the ties we have ….

 The steed then binds us ALL together.

…………….. and the One I become is All of me…………

STILLNESS AND RHYTHMS

There is such stillness outside that is is quite extraordinary as light comes to the day. Even the birds seem reluctant to move around too much and disturb the atmosphere even though they’re singing their morning tunes.

There is no hurry for right now – it feels as though there is all the time in the world and we are in ‘universal’ time. I feel the essence of time – about moving or slowing or stopping along with Nature. To change with her,. To listen to Nature and her rythmms and we will know ‘what time it is’. We have our own inbuilt rhythm-maker, which, although still follows Nature’s time zone, uniquely expresses itself through us. Are we a flower or an evergreen, do we shed our leaves with Nature’s changing time? Maybe that is a surprise to us as well. Only in a particular time do we find other expressions within us – ways that only emerge following Nature’s rythms or when our rhythm aligns with Hers????????

I look to Bear, and around the landscape we have been in for a week or two now. The wolves are with Bella in this world and I am not to follow them at this time.  Bear strongly moves my focus and attention , still within this world, yet to my own vision. I am on a small hill out in the open. I have moved further than my first point of entry with Bear but still, not much further on. Bear reminds me that ‘distance’ cannot be judged in the old way. For look what has occurred within this space of movement. There is a different feeling, a different perspective, a different experience at every turn and every view….A miracle in itself…So within todays step, even though I can see where I have been the last  week or two, it is totally a new experience – offering new lessons, insights, miracles and always holding the magic of life itself…This is ‘making the most of life’ – feeling the very space where one is at any particular time.  Feeling it is living it! To wonder of the future and worry of the past is to move into a space that is not concurrent with Nature’s (or our own) rhythm so can not be felt. It can only be felt if that vision is granted in the present space. So attention and focus need to be maintained with the stillness….Waiting is being still with a different pace – still part of the rhythm, it just requires a different step. All steps, including this step or space , is to be savoured, embraced , lived and enjoyed!!!

And this is how it is…..

The Dream Gaze

There is an intensity surrounding and pervading all at this time. It is calling for an unwavering focus, an unwavering presence - a matching intensity.
Within this intensity there must be total calm - not even an inkling of turbulence. A crystal clear clarity.
The vision that now appears in front of my eyes is one of a cat and a mouse. The cat has an intense focus and concentration on the mouse, watching for ANY and EVERY sign of movement - or anything else for that matter! There is an alertness and astuteness that is just magnificent - a mixture of tools of precision - art in the making.
The cat looks up and I am drawn to its round green eyes - the markings in its iris, the opening and closing of the black doorway of its pupil into another world. It seems to be tempting or teasing me - daring me to enter this other world. I check with Bear on my feelings and then let the cat know I won't enter without Bear's company.  Bear knows the cat will not be happy with this.
And as true to Bear's feelings - the cat, having lost 'interest' - loses its gaze and wanders away. Seems I was to be the mouse!
My attention is then drawn to the real mouse!!! He wipes his brow and sits down, leaning back on his arm. '"Phew!!! That was close!" he lets out. "I was doing okay holding his gaze, but your help was welcome - a good distraction."
We all sit and I wonder of this experience and how it relates to me. Confronting fears? Holding one's ground? Maintaining presence and awareness? Yes, I am sure of all these things as I see nods of agreement from my furry companions, both big and small!!!
There is something else though - something I am staring in the eyes or is staring me in the eyes!! Strange - usually the Helpers give me more of a clue. But this time, they are waiting for me and are prepared to sit there for as long as it takes. I hear the words - ''you must see it through to the end" . The feeling is 'it' has been long, has been a long process - but there is no room for wavering attention now.  More than ever the 'gaze'- the hold must be maintained and the dream behind it clearer and stronger than ever before.  Dig deeper and access the strength and energy of the dream. This will sustain you, move you and release you to your true place in the way of the universe.
And THAT is what you need to remember!!! Be the immovable rock that only the universe can shift. The light of the universe IS  your focus......
Dig deep and become your dream - for that is who you are...
Everything that has gone before you has brought you closer to your dream, to the Truth of who you are.  It is the Truth that will be shared. So bring your attention and your unwavering gaze 'here' for this is where your roots lie..

The Second Posting Which Led To "time to swing".

Good Morning Bear....What drives me to write and speak so early to you? Worry and Concern....
In many ways I fel I am living with shadows of the past....
I am looking at myself walking with a trail of 'exhaust'behind me.  It is a misty, streamed cloud that is connected to me and following me like a train.  I hear Bear say it is not about 'cutting' it off.  It is the 'vehicle' itself that needs attention and is putting out this exhaust.
I have the impression the 'old' thoughts, patterns and attitudes are the things that need 'tossing' out.  NEW choices need to be made to activate this.  Really see what is not you or part of your being - that which is SO ingrained in your thought patterns that you have taken it for granted that is IS you!
I sit and imagine the big, big job to do this.  I automatically have the impression that I need not sit andsift through everything - in fact that would be a waste.  Non action means 'things' just settle to the bottome.  They need to be stirred up and addressed as they surface.
THEREFORE........conscious awareness is what is needed in order to recognize these 'unnatural' pieces as they surface.
The testing procedure???  Tap it as one does a wine glass-if it rings like crystal it is authentically you-and if it only emits a flat tone-then it is NOT you- toss it out!!!
The Ring of Truth - that is what you are after!!

Now - WORRY...Worry is a terminal disease...A learnt behaviour originating perhaps from being protected or overly portected, but more importantly BELIEVING that there MUST be something to worry about!  This state of being then becomes a permanent fixture, an addiction.  Worry is like being netted.  Walking around with a fishing net draped over you - hampering all movement - giving up before you start because you've already 'caught yourself out or up.'
I look to Bear with a wingeing expression.  He takes no part in it.  There is absolutely no emotion there with him whatsoever. He tells me I can survive with or without it (the worry factor). What really is the key question is wherher I choose to want to REALLY LIVE or not?!!  Do I want to be all I can be? Or do I wish to remain hampered by my self limiting net?

Upon wondering how to remove it, I recognize a few things.  One is that I seem to relate it to 'love' - love from family especially. I have held onto the net believing it is their love, believing it is love. My fear is in throwing this away that the two go hand in hand.  But in Truth, and Bear agrees, that is complete bollocks!!!  To try to think I am tricking myself with this realization is only thoughts of fear and also belongs in the bollocks'basket!!! Those fear driven thoughts are what a re creating the 'fumes' and the pollution and hampering who I truly am!!
Yes - Alex - You are right.  All IS choice......

I begin to 'think'  - this time again about work concerns.

I look to Bear who is telling me that at this very present time - right now - it is not relevant.  He is directing me back to the fishing net scenario and wanting me to move on...In Truth, the most important thing at this time is facing or recognizing what it feels like to walk unencumbered and to mbecome familiar with this new mobility and exposed genuine me...Bear stresses how necessary this is.  I MUST go through this, I cannot escape this and in fact, I am in it.  To walk away from it would be to choose an inappropriate path which would clog me up well and truly...
It may seem the opposite but conditions never have conditions been more favorable.  I have set myself up for a win as all other 'pollution' (karma etc) has already been dealt with and faced and cleared.  Now, I am only dealing with the remnants which are so, so minimal. They just appear big.   All the piles of rrbbish that had accumulated over the net have been cleaned out. Now we just have the net. Do not be confused believing the net is part of you. Love is Truth, love is yo - the net is a net. It really is that simple. When you get down to the simple Truth, if it aint love, it aint true and it aint you.....
I look to Bear and begin to be concerned of the disposal of the net. My over concern perhaps or rather UNECESSARY concern brings me the rising feeling of constriction over my heart - the net!!!!!!!
Recognition is dawning over me! I see how when I do not have worry the net just disappears in a puff. As soon as I worry needlessly, it magically reappears. It truly is an illusion. Oh such a good one - so subtle and yet so debilitating......
Bear says, "yes!! This is what has been hampering your movement. You do not have to live with it. However to do this you need to live with the awareness of it thus being in a position to make a choice and a strong choice at that!!!  There is absolutely no value or purpose to needless worry....

I ask Bear if there is a way I can truly and consciously anchor this physically, in the physical world?? I see him blowing gently yet strongly into my Heart. We merge.
I now see the difference between separation and individuality. They are two different things.
Separation is the separation from our Spirit, from our Truth, from our Heart.
Individuality is our uniqueness and the gift that we have to offer to the world.......

TIME TO SWING!!!

Sitting at the computor, I allow myself to look inwards.

My first vision is of myself at a fair or carnival. I am standing next to an icecream stall with a waffle cone icecream in my hands and licking the icecream madly! There are people milling around everywhere with all the sounds of a busy carnival. I move further into the vision and merge with my icecream-eating self and note my senses are on high attention. I am scanning the crowd for my trusty friend SpiritBear. It is sooo busy here.

SBear gives me a 'pssst!' , waves his paw and moves back behind the flap of a canvas tent. I follow him.

I look around and notice we are in the main tent - empty trapeezes hanging up high. A couple of them are gently swinging, their bars are decorated with sparkle and there are soft lights on. It feels like an invitation!! And looking at Bear, I know it is so.

We walk over to the sawdusted centre ring and I look up. My God, they look SO HIGH up!

Bear is encouraging me to go up. He pulls on a rope for me to hop on to. There is a net in place which he points out, a safety net, but assures me I have excellent balance to do this anyway.

I have no sense of fear and trusting Bear, I take the rope. It brings a joy and exhilaration to me as it effortlessly escalates me to one of the swings - the only swing that is not tied up. I feel a definite connection with the swing believe it or not! Bear waves me onwards from down below. It truly feels like a different world up here!

A small animal races across from one of the wires- arms outstretched with a silver bowl full of powder. I dust not just my hands, but my whole self.

"Timing" itself is the centre of focus at this time. "Timing" is everything.

I look to the swing again which has its own natural rhythm and allow my own natural rythm to synchronise. We connect and swing through the air together - both as ourselves yet both swinging to the same rhythm. Although I have a tendency to 'race ahead' I focus on staying aware of OUR swinging.

I notice then the swinging becomes more intense, deeper, richer and moving me to heights I know I could not have achieved by myself. Together we are in communion with something far greater than just ourselves.

I realise this feeling is what I strive for yet it cannot be achieved alone.

I take the time to really feel what is happening. Slowly and timelessly our swinging comes almost to a standstill.

The rope with its foothole shakes itself at me, grabbing my attention. I move across to it from my swinging companion and am returned to the sawdust floor and SBear.

I ask Bear of the significance of it all. He says, "Timing, timing, timing. It is time NOW. It's time to 'swing'! Do not hesitate . Move with yourself, move with your Heart. Shake it baby , shake it!!!!!!!!!"

We sit down now back near where Bear and I entered the tent. I wait for the whole experience to move through and settle into my Being. I look to Bear to 'check' my understanding is true..

This being my first 'blog', I really wanted the first 'journey' I put out there to be a grand slam winner! I wanted it to be as amazing as I know they are. I realise that I really am NOT "swinging ALONE" - 'doing' it by myself. Great Spirit, "the Force" or whatever name one may use, is ALWAYS in partnership with us and as long as we are true to our own beat, will always share the load....An audience is not necessary, we must start somewhere. When the timing is right, it is time to offer our gifts in the main ring no matter what else is happening, or not!

Stay with the rhythm and move with Spirit and you shall reach heights that you'd never have been able to imagine........